You aren't reading this, are you? Bastard.

Miscellaneous Social Commentary

"In those days 30 seemed old. Now I realize that old age starts somewhere about the age of 60. Never fear, in another 20 years I shall revise my estimates yet again."
"There is a little known law of genetics that states the combined IQ of all Irish Americans can not exceed 500. As I am currently using 138 of those points, it doesn't leave a lot for the other 30 million. You may point out that I am only one fourth Irish, so then perhaps I am only using 34.5 of those points. It still doesn't leave a lot for the rest of them."
"One need only view the average Irish American family to know that not only is evolution true, but that it works in both directions."
"You have but one life, and that is the one before you, you will have no future lives nor are there any past ones. That reincarnation nonsense is for people too timid to live their lives on their own terms, so instead they fantasize of a past life where they did so and dream of a future one where they will be more fearless."
"We have all the power over our own lives that we wish to exercise and none over anyone else except that which they give us. Were we wise or good as we imagine ourselves to be, we would decline to use it."
"There is but one thing worse than ignorance, and that is willful ignorance. I can tolerate those that know no better, the ones that go out of their way to not know any better, however, are fair game."
"Bartenders will tell you, when you ask of it, about the green bottle rule. To wit, beer in green bottles is shyte. What can we say of a country like Canada where all the beer comes in green bottles?"
"Boston is the most European of American cities, it's full of one way streets in a shocking state of disrepair, traffic signals are only a suggestion, every third person you meet works for the government, its mayor does not speak anything that resembles English, and the natives, who are terribly rude, think that they live in the hub of the universe."
"Those that can, do, those that can't take the civil service exam. Or maybe they become postal employees, I seem to have forgotten."
"We know from statistics that one in four Americans are mentally ill. I wonder what the ratio would have been had my family been excluded?"
"In life you get what you pay for, and your family is free."
"Never waste too much time criticizing yourself, that's what friends are for."
"In life, where it's possible, one should try to repair relationships. However, if they are beyond repair, or simply not worth the bother, then one at least ought to enjoy breaking them to pieces."
"I was a little saddened, that he had made himself so miserable over the years that this one gesture was enough to bring him a measure of happiness. I knew as never before that happiness is a choice, something we do rather than something we are."
"Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder."
"Snakes shed their skin, but they rarely change their markings."
"Do parents count as pets? My father is an ass and my mother a shrew, so I don't see why they shouldn't."
"Being at work is like being a bisexual street hustler, it's a suck job but it pays the bills."
"The optimist goes through life bitterly disappointed that things never turn out half as well as he hoped, while the pessimist goes through life pleasantly surprised that things didn't turn out half as badly as he expected. So why do people think it better to be an optimist?"